What does a Saudi woman want in a man?

Wednesday, 25 April 2007

By Sabria S. Jawhar
The Saudi Gazette

Jeddah
Some people say “You don’t know what you want until you see it”. It seems, however, that this is not the situation with Saudi women, especially when it comes to the type of man they are looking for.

What does a Saudi woman want in a man?

To answer this question, the Saudi Gazette interviewed a number of Saudi women whose ages ranged between 21 and 37. Each of the women, though, seemed to be looking for something different. Most of them, however, seem to have given up on their Saudi counterparts, more interested, instead, on looking abroad for love and the qualities they desire in a partner.

Mr. Right, for most of them, is of another Arab or Western nationality. The reasons for giving up Saudi men, however, varied as much as the women’s age groups.

For instance, at the same time that young women like Hawazen Mohammad, 21, a university student, wants a man who is attractive with a jovial nature , others like Shomookh Omar, a 35 teacher, are looking for a man who is appreciative of his wife’s career and more of a partner in daily life.

They all agreed that education, travel, satellite channels and internet have introduced them to a new style of life that is different from what they were used to. They said that now they have points of comparison.

“I am not ready to take any junk just for being Saudi or for the sake of marriage and having children,” Omar said.

Most of the women, though, summarized the characteristics that they want in their man as follows:

A friend
Omar said she wants a man with whom she can discuss every single detail of her life. She does not want him to criticize or prejudge her. She wants him to see the best of her, mainly, her intellect. Put simply. she wants a friend.

“ I don’t care how his body or face look,” Omar said. “ I am an independent woman, so if I like him, I really don't care what my friends or family think.”

Passionate and Romantic

Mona Al Harbi, a 37 year-old teacher, said she does not care about the man’s appearance or even his money. As an independent working woman, she added, all that she cares about is his passion and feelings towards her.

“I want a romantic man who showers me with his sweet words. A man who does not hesitate to cry in front of me. A man that surprises me with even one flower just to say ‘I love you’,” she added.

This does not mean a weak man or with a flaw in his character, she said. On the contrary, she added, I want him to be a "what you see is what you get" type of men.

Loyal

Following a dramatic divorce, Manal Ameen, 33, a private sector employee, has changed her parameters of Mr. Right. She said that she wants a loyal and confident man who is assertive , positive and doesn't dither. She also prefers him to be in his 50s.

“I don’t want him to be sitting next to me and gazing at other women thinking they are better or even different,” she said.


Accept her weirdness

Maha Al Ghamdi, a 21 year-old student, said she wants a guy who accepts her weirdness, loves the crazy moments, and has infinite patience.

“ I want him to be adventurous so that at any moment you would catch us bungee jumping, skiing in Dorat Al Arous or even climbing Taif mountain like monkeys,” she said with a wide smile.

A Loving

Eman Swaileh, a 29 year-old nurse, said she simply wants to be cherished and loved. She wants to demonstrate her love publicly in a way that does not undermine Saudi social traditions, but still shows they are a loving and happy couple.

“ I desire to be encouraged with my dreams, loved for who I am, and adored,” she said. “I want someone who is understanding.”

Overall, she added, she wants a man who will fight for her heart and never stop seeking her love and attention even after marriage. As a nurse and with all the stigma surrounding the profession, she said, she wants a man who will protect her but also let her spread her wings.

“Saudis are pressured by the society around them and can not meet my conditions even if they want to,” she said, “ that’s why I want him to be from any nationality other than Saudi”.

She also expressed readiness to face all the consequences and difficulties that such a marriage would bring, especially at the social and legal level. To find the man she is looking for, she added, she has been mingling and working closely with non-Saudi male colleagues.

“I have never told them about my thoughts because I don’t want to be misjudged or taken advantage of,” she concluded.


Religious

Hanan Abdul Wahid, a 35 year-old teacher, said she wants a man whose behavior is governed by Islamic regulations in every aspect. These days, she said, most of the guys are corrupted and dishonest. Most of them treat their wives like maids.

“If they were following Islamic regulations, they would not have done that to their partners,” she said. “Islam gives women equal rights to men.”

Marrying a religious man, she added, makes a woman at least feel comfortable that she will never be cheated or fooled.

“When a religious man wants another woman he takes the shortest way and gets married to a second wife,” she said. “To know that my husband is married to one good woman is better than sleeping with tens of bad women behind my back.”

Strong personality

Sameera Hassan, a 22 year-old university student, said she wants a man who is a leader by nature, some one who influences everyone he comes in contact with.

“Some guys mix strong personalities with toughness and rudeness, They talk nonsense and think they are making an impression,” she said. “We (girls), sometimes keep silent not because we are impressed but because we believe deep inside that they are a hopeless case so we enjoy watching them being cocky .”

Generous but responsible

Sarah Al Jehani, a 30 year-old social worker, said she doesn’t want a mean man who is expecting her to spend money on him. She wants him to buy her gifts just to tell her that he was thinking of her, not necessarily expensive ones, she added. She wants him to take her to fancy restaurants, particularly on special occasions. She wants him to be proud of her walking next to him, not to walk 10 meters ahead from her.

“When we are in a restaurant and the bill comes, I don’t want him to pretend that he forgot his wallet or to withdraw cash just to force me to pay,” she said.

Yet, to her, it is difficult these days to differentiate the real gentleman from the jerk. They all know perfectly how to act until the girl is dragged into the marriage trap. Some of them, she said, spend like crazy before marriage but once married, he makes his wife pay all the bills including that of his own car .

“I want to pay because I want to, not because I have to,” she added.

Maturity
Abeer Nassar, a 28 year-old teacher, wants a mature man who knows exactly what he wants in life and chooses her accordingly.

“ Maturity is one reason that quite a lot of women find older men attractive,” she said

Abeer has always been attracted to older men despite her young age. Yet she doesn’t want a man who oppresses her or clips her wings under the excuse of maturity.